1. After twice liberating them from the Germans in the twentieth century, English oenologists were able, with much difficulty, to teach them the basic fundamentals of wine making.
2. The Romans had several centuries during their occupation in which to show them how to get started.
3. Consequently the Romans became very frustrated and went home, then after many centuries passed by, the French finally figured out the instruction manuals left by the preceding invaders.
4. Sometimes Mother Nature takes pity and steps in to help them.

My answer to this brilliant question is:

The Californians always have and always will, make far superior wines than the French, because:

1. They are a much smarter race
2. They don't spend all day drinking Pastis and buying rounds of Tournedos in the local Brasserie
3. They have a greater appreciation for quality and fine beverages
4. They don't spend all day watching re-runs of Jerry Lewis movies.

My answer to this brilliant question is:

A 1990 grand cru Chambertin from Mommessin tastes similar to:

1. A wine cooler
2. An Ontario Gamay Beaujolais produced in an unfavourable year
3. A vintage Egyptian Pinot Blanc
4. Ernest & Julio Gallo "Thunderbird"

My answer to this brilliant question is:

1. Baron Phillipe de Rothschild, pleaded with Robert Mondavi to pass on some of their superior wine making expertise with the intent of making French wine a little less distasteful
2. The University of Davis opened a new Franchise in Bordeaux
3. Robert Parker wrote, "this could be a viticultural area that given much guidance may one day produce one or two decent quaffers"
4. The devastating root louse Phylloxera, has devoured the entire global vineyards, except the French ones.(although it is a louse it to has some dignity)

My answer to this brilliant question is:

General De Gaulle ran away to England at the outbreak of World War II because:

1. He realized that he was developing a taste for the finer things in life, and the only way he would ever become a true Epicurean would be to get the hell out of France and study English gastronomy.
2. He choose to spend, what could well have been his last days, with intelligent people.
3. Even he is not that struck on German wines
4. He sucked at pool and wanted to play in a country were he would improve his game.

My answer to this brilliant question is:

The name "Silver Oak" strikes terror into the heart of every French person because:

1. At a blind tasting of the fore mentioned, one of the best that France has to offer, for example an 86 Pichon Lalande, would suffer a humiliating defeat, be cast to the bottom of the ranking sheet and be subjected to dishonour and shame even by the French judges.
2. Number 1 is the correct answer
3. Number 1 and Number 2 are both correct
4. All of the above are correct

My answer to this brilliant question is:

1. They don't crush their grapes wearing shoes like Gilligan's
2. A recent visit by a famous English wine authority tipped the balance in favour of the Californians
3. All the best French vines miraculously uprooted themselves and migrated to the rolling hills of Carneros were they knew they could create better wines.
4. Carneros has signs posted around its perimeter that state "pas de viticulteurs Francais permis ici".

My answer to this brilliant question is:

The French Department of Agriculture recently held a meeting to discuss the resurgence of Californian Zinfandel and what effect it would have on their market share. The result of the meeting was:

1. Frogs leap took on a whole new meaning. They all jumped out of the window and committed mass suicide.
2. They all went to the American consulate and applied for green cards.
3. War was declared.
4. A mandate was unanimously passed to give up wine production throughout the entire country, uproot every vineyard and replant with something easier and less technical to grow. Maybe tomatoes!

My answer to this brilliant question is:

Madame Leroy Bize, the former, self acclaimed, dynamic genius behind the once great (when Algerian juice was added) days of the Domaine of Romanee Contee is now:

1. Working as a harvester for Josh Jenson at Calera vineyards
2. A bus girl in the cafeteria at the university of Davis.
3. A ticket inspector on the Napa valley wine train
4. Wanted by the French government for treason due to her recent appointment as the wine maker's advisor at E.J Gallo vineyards.

My answer to this brilliant question is:

1. Oh merde, geeve us zer Statue of Liberty back.
2. ohhh sacre bleu zis wynne iz amaazzing. I luv zer boo berri noze
3. Amoricaine, non c'est pas possible
4. Allo, Iz zis zer haiport, bon, get me a one way ticket to Napa Valley

My answer to this brilliant question is:

1. French wines are too "deer"
2. This is a scene starring Gerard Depardieu from the French adaptation of "The Deer Hunter"
3. Jacques Chirac having a quiet moment in the South Pacific
4. Deer Pascal, have a great birthday

My answer to this brilliant question is: